The Rabbit Hole

Allow me to take you through what I perceive as a normal person's day:
Wake up.  Shower, Put on the clothes that were laid out the previous evening, have a cup of coffee head to work.
Say good morning to their coworkers, do their job, eat some lunch, do some more job stuff. Go home, spend time with their family and go to bed.

Now, Allow me to take you through my day.
Wake up. Run through every single thing I need to do. Who I need to talk to and about what.  Shower.  Fight a battle with the laundry basket full of clothes that my daughters dropped the shampoo in.  Put on my scrubs. Decide I hate those scrubs today and change.  Get upset that there's no coffee made. Wait for my ride to work.
Say good morning to my coworkers. Listen to the previous day's/night's adventures.  Do job stuff.  Eat. Do more job stuff. Wait for my ride to go home.
Kiss my sleeping kids. Or if it's Saturday, hang out with them.

Yes,. I oversimplified the "normal" person.  I tend to see the world in black and white, good and bad.  Having anxiety throws me even further off the edge. I want to be that normal person. I don't want to say stupid things. I don't want to live in constant fear that the sky is falling but I can't do anything about it.

We toss the word anxiety around, using it to define being uncomfortable or nervous . A difference does actually exist. Anxiety is the Flight or Fight reaction constantly engaged. Waiting for calamity. I'm already stressing over interactions that may or may not happen a week from now.  I've already mentally prepared for divorce even though my marriage isn't suffering.  I prepare to be fired the moment I walk into the door at work. I'm in constant fear that child protective services will show up at my door and remove my children because their clothes aren't perfect.

This is me. This is my thought process. Yes, I know. BREATHE. Sometimes, that's easier said than done.